She’ll Always Be Beautiful To Me

She'll Always Be Beautiful To Me
She'll Always Be Beautiful To Me

Original, Live at The Tanana Valley State Fair, 3 min 59 sec, 30.7 MB Flash Video

Fairbanks, Alaska

small-screen version available on YouTube

I wrote this song many years ago, after meeting a ladysinger, a beautiful soprano, in Alaska. Though we connected, she had a boyfriend already, and there’s lines I won’t cross, so we just sang together. And I went on with what I had to do, haunted by her, or the dream she was so close to being, of a woman I could sing with, sitting at the piano together, doing what we both loved best.

I originally wrote the song on the piano, and it has gone through some changes as I have played it through the years, on piano and guitar and dulcimer, each adding something, or as moods changes, and I felt like something slow and fluid, that same a-temporal rhythm I use on many poetic songs, to a steadier, stronger beat. Though it is still a waltz, it can flow with a smooth swing to it, as well. People have waltzed to it when I played. It also shows some jazz influence in the chording, from the old vocal blues jazz of an earlier era.

Though I am not haunted by her these days, I am still haunted by a ladysinger, seems I always am, or the dream of one. Though many years pass the few times I have met one again, and unfortunately the story remains the same. The hard reality of my life, that I have never met a lady I could sing with, one I had the type of intense connection that I seek, most obvious in the music, where personalities and circumstances made it possible to work something out. I have met a very few, three or four in my life, if that many.. it is hard to recall, and to separate the dream from the reality after so many years. But none of them ever worked out. Despite our connection personally and through the music, it wasn’t enough to overcome personal differences or circumstances. More important perhaps, they couldn’t gain my trust, and I need more than anything, someone I can depend on. I have chosen a life of deep feelings, and total commitment to anything I do. I need a woman I can depend on to be there, not one I have to watch out for. I have to focus on the music, and emotional traumas and chaos is at best a distraction, at worst a disaster for an admittedly over-emotional, over-sensitive, one-woman artist-type guy. I think what I was trying to express as well was that there were no hard feeling, not in that way, that I remembered them kindly, with some grief, sadness, yes, but not with anger or bitterness. Perhaps I could have loved them, heart and soul, if it was the right thing to do, something we never had a chance to find out. Instead I left them behind, but never forgot them, though the memories do fade, and I wonder how much of it was real and how much just a dream and a hope I had. Still, I always regretted that it didn’t work out, yet know I did what was right, what I believed I had to do. And I believe that one of the roles music plays is to take these sad things and make them into something beautiful.

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